


Seven thousand steps (to make it okay)

by amako



Series: One Piece Tumblr Prompts [1]
Category: One Piece
Genre: Angst, M/M, Off-Screen Injury, Tumblr Prompt, it's awkward, they talk about feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-10
Updated: 2017-11-10
Packaged: 2019-01-31 14:40:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12683949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amako/pseuds/amako
Summary: (it's a game of pretence between them, the endless play of masks and white lies under the disguise of a rivalry barely hiding their burgeoning relationship)





	Seven thousand steps (to make it okay)

**Author's Note:**

> For the tumblr prompt: "42 with ZoSan because I'm trash thanks bye"  
> 42 being, not only the answer to the Ultimate Question, but also the dialogue prompt "You make me feel like I'm not good enough."
> 
> I hope you enjoy, dear!

It's this strange time of the night, when the stars are fully visible in the sky and the breath of the sea almost feel warms on your skin. It's somewhere between midnight and dawn, when everything rings true in the dark silence of what seems to be an endless night. It's the time when Zoro's shift ends and Sanji gets up to start cooking.

Usually, if they cross path (which does not happen that often), they sketch a nod at the other and go on with their lives. If the day before was a particularly tough battle and one of them was injured, the other will pretend not to check for a lasting injury and the first one will pretend not to notice.

(it's a game of pretence between them, the endless play of masks and white lies under the disguise of a rivalry barely hiding their burgeoning relationship)

It's that strange time of the night, but the situation is far from usual, and Zoro and Sanji do cross path.

(yes, the day before was a particularly tough battle, but none of them was injured. Usopp, however, is still resting in the infirmary, the gunshot wound on his shoulder neatly sewn up by a frantic Chopper)

They don't waste time on pretending, and they don't even try to nod. As soon as Zoro sets his eyes on Sanji's hunched back and lit up cigarette, he's drawing his swords. The cook barely bats an eye and blocks the first strike with the edge of his hardened shoe. They stay like that more than a minute, staring at the other with critical eyes and a poorly hidden sneer. A breath later, they're moving again.

It's nothing like their usual fights, loud and violent and almost entirely for show. Now, between a shadow and a ray of moonlight, it looks like a dance. Zoro barely grunts when Sanji's foot connects with his stomach and sends him back a couple of metres. In turn, the cook merely winces when Sandai Kisetsu kisses the meat of his forearm and leaves a bloody gash staining his pristine suit.

There is a unusual weight in their attacks, like they're already tired of the fight when it has only begun. Sanji drops in a crouch to avoid a strike, sending his leg in a swiping motion to unbalance Zoro. The swordsman jumps back but lands badly and loses control of his right leg which gives under him.

Sanji is still crouching. With a sigh, he sits down and crosses his long legs. His cigarette is still smoking. Zoro doesn't move from his collapsed position, barely rolling to face the sky. The blond takes a long drag out of his cigarette and raises his head as well, losing himself in the thousands of stars above them.

The silence is heavy, nothing like the comfortable ones they sometimes share when no one is watching and they can enjoy the other's company and drop the rivalry.

(not completely though, never completely. It's as much a part of them as the ship and the crew, the swords and the cooking knives)

It's heavy and it smells of resentment and a breach of trust the size of the whole in Usopp's flesh.

And because tonight already is so strange, because he feels like it, because he's angry and hurt and confused, it's Zoro who speaks first.

 

"It's your fault, you know."

 

Sanji doesn't answer, just takes a new breath of deadly smoke and releases it into the cold air.

 

"You didn't need to protect Luffy, he was doing fine and I was right there. Instead you left Usopp's side unchecked and he got hurt. It's your fault, cook, and I don't get it."

Sanji laughs a bitter laugh. "Of course you don't."

 

Zoro gets on his knees, arms crossed over his chest. He's scowling, and Sanji knows that if he wasn't nakama, there would already be a sword sticking from his own chest.

 

"There is nothing funny in this situation, asshole. You got Usopp hurt and you didn't even help when you came over to us."

 

Sanji crushes the burning tip of his cigarette on his sleeve, not even blinking when the fabric gives and his skin starts sizzling. Zoro makes a sound, like he's choking or sobbing.

(but it can't be, because Zoro doesn't cry, Zoro doesn't sob, Zoro accuses and snarls and spits in the face of the years he spent training and-)

Sanji finally lets the flattened cigarette fall and lowers his head until he's staring right into Zoro's eyes.

 

"See, that's the problem, right there," he starts through gritted teeth.

"What?"

"I _didn't even help when I came over to you_ , right? You didn't need my help, right? You could have done it without me, _right_?"

 

Zoro is frowning, his mouth almost open like he's about to say something. Sanji doesn't let him.

 

"I came because I saw a marine pointing his gun at Luffy and neither you nor the idiot had seen it. I came because there wasn't anyone pointing a gun at Usopp and he was doing fine." His voice is rising with every breath, but his tone is eerily calm. "I came just in time to take the bullet in my right calf and allow my captain to save the day, like it's written in my job description.

 

Zoro is silent, his shoulders barely shaking with the strength it takes him not to break the connection and look at the calf he doesn't remember seeing hurt. He looks a lot paler than before.

 

"And if you're wondering why I didn't say anything, _Roronoa Zoro_ ," he sneers, "it's because it's my fault if Usopp is injured, even if Luffy could have been as well. I know my mistakes and I try to do better, _every_ fucking time."

"Cook-"

Sanji continues like he's never been interrupted. "That's the problem with you and me, asshole. I try, and I try again, and you're always there to remind me of that I'll never be as useful as you. You make me feel like I'm not good enough."

 

He closes his eyes and puts another cigarette between his lips, lighting it with a flick of his lighter. Then he gets up and starts walking towards the galley, never looking back. Zoro watches him leave and notices the slight lump in his steps, every time his right foot connects with the deck. He swallows around the bile in his throat. The thousands of stars, above his head, are mocking him.

 

When morning comes and the crew gathers in the galley, there is nothing left of their fight and the weight that was omnipresent last night is nowhere to be found. Usopp is out of the infirmary, enjoying an extra-special meal made of his favourite dishes, courtesy of a pursed-lips cook who refuses to explain himself.

(after all, only Zoro understood that it was his fault, and only Zoro was there to remind him how lacking he is)

They eat breakfast laughing, sharing jokes and enjoying the presence of their nakama around them. Before them are piles of crêpes with all types of preserves, freshly baked croissants smelling of butter and warmth, pains au chocolat leaking dark chocolate from every slit. The toasts are buttered to perfection and dipped in hot cocoa mixed with cinnamon and brown sugar.

It's all food they're not that used to eating, native from North Blue and amazing by it's novelty. Sanji doesn't often prepare food from his home and it speaks of the situation on a level not all of them understand. Only Robin and Brook's lingering looks tell something about their confusion and curiosity, but neither dare asking. It's either very good or very bad and they don't want to ruin the good atmosphere with their enquiries.

In his corner, Zoro notices as well but doesn't raise his head, instead savouring the french toasts he's dipping in his café au lait. The food tastes like ashes and the coffee does nothing to tame the bitterness sticking to his tongue.

When the crew leaves to resume their daily activities, Zoro stays and marches over to the sink, already filling it with warm water when Sanji comes back from the pantry. The cook doesn't comment and waits for Zoro to pass him the clean dishes, drying them before putting them where they belong.

They work in silence, and it's almost a dance again, between a shadow and a ray of sunlight. Sanji's face is hidden under the curtain of his blond hair, but Zoro doesn't try to see. His eyes are firmly on the soapy water, carefully washing every plate before giving them to the cook. They don't touch, don't even brush a finger when they used to pretend accidents whenever one of them happened to catch the other's hand in his own.

Sanji is closing the last drawer when Zoro dries his hands and, still without looking, starts speaking.

 

"Making you feel that way was the last thing I wanted to do. There is nothing worst than feeling like you're disappointing someone, and knowing that I did this to do makes me sick. I'm sorry, Sanji."

 

He puts down the wet towel and turns his back on the kitchen, walking towards the door. He refuses to think about what he just said and instead, he opens the door and walks out into the sunlight.

 

"Oy, marimo."

 

Zoro freezes, his hand still on the door knob. He takes a slow breath, feels the warmth of the sun on his face, and starts backing away from the deck. He closes the door and turns around, leaning against the wooden panel. He jumps in surprise when his nose almost brushes Sanji's.

 

"I'm glad you apologised, but I was the one at fault. Don't forget that."

"We never do stuff for nothing. I pushed you in that direction."

Sanji groans. "Usopp got hurt because of me, you didn't drag me over to you and Luffy. I did that very well on my own."

"Can we agree that we both messed up and stop this weird-ass conversation?"

"Is it because you've never spoken this much in your life ever?"

"Shut up, cook."

 

Sanji takes a step back, putting some distance between them. Zoro swallows the feeling of wrongness and crosses his arms.

 

"Are we okay now?"

Sanji shrugs. "I don't think so. But we need to talk more to make it really okay and I don't think your brain can handle that. Shall we resume this conversation at a later date?"

"Piss off. I can talk feelings."

Sanji's eyes take a soft look that Zoro refuses to acknowledge. "Thanks for making the effort, idiot. But we should talk about it later. Go train your insane muscles and let me go talk to Usopp."

Zoro shrugs. "Sure. But we're doing this. It's wrong that I made you feel that way."

"Go, Zoro. You're going to hurt yourself if you don't stop feeling."

 

Sanji leaves the shadow of a kiss on his cheek and goes back to his kitchen. Zoro ignores the lump in his throat and does as advised. They will talk. Sanji will apologise to Usopp. Zoro will explain to Luffy who keeps sending him way too serious looks. They will be okay.

 

**Author's Note:**

> You can send me [a prompt and a ship](http://dimancheetoile.tumblr.com/post/162279712888/prompt-list) on [ my tumblr](http://dimancheetoile.tumblr.com/)!


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